Just sitting outside. Just thinking of everything that happened to me these fast few years. A lot of things flashed back in my head. It has come to this stage that I will have to figure out if what I thought were right had been wrong. There were nights of tears. Nights of angst. Nights alone. It's one of so many nights that I have needed someone to talk to but there's no one. I don't understand why some people you've known your friend easily forget. I badly need one to listen to me, to comfort, and to tell me or make me feel "I'm just here."
Different kinds of people came in my life. Like a jigsaw puzzle, they represented every piece of me. Dark or light, they have colors spread to the whole picture. People come and go but they leave their share of the puzzle.
During these nights, there are just two things that never leave. First, my music that still echo in my ears that reminds me of the lines and rythm. Second, my cigarette that reminds me that everything ends... that everything loses it's warmth and glow... that every butt should be thrown away after the last smoke fade away...
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
when I was a kid
I used to have two people at my side when I sleep
on my right was my mother
on my left was my father
but now i've grown up,
things have changed, like everything was blown up
my mother on my left side
and a pillow on my right side
wondering why the pillow is there
when he, who should be there
he, who should be hugging me
he, who should be beside me
I still remember the days
when he carried me always
always there to make me happy
always there when i'm lonely
I love how you tickle me with your beard
love the way your big hands hold my small hands
i love hearing your heartbeat
until I fell asleep
I miss the days when you cook for me
scolding me when i'm not eating properly
I miss the way we laugh together
taking me with you on your motorcycle
and now that you're gone
don't you know that i'm missing you so much?
I wish to see you once more
kiss and hug you once more
I know that you're always there beside us
always looking after us
I'm lucky that i'm your DAUGHTER
and I am proud that you're my FATHER
-PAOLA JANE S.
I used to have two people at my side when I sleep
on my right was my mother
on my left was my father
but now i've grown up,
things have changed, like everything was blown up
my mother on my left side
and a pillow on my right side
wondering why the pillow is there
when he, who should be there
he, who should be hugging me
he, who should be beside me
I still remember the days
when he carried me always
always there to make me happy
always there when i'm lonely
I love how you tickle me with your beard
love the way your big hands hold my small hands
i love hearing your heartbeat
until I fell asleep
I miss the days when you cook for me
scolding me when i'm not eating properly
I miss the way we laugh together
taking me with you on your motorcycle
and now that you're gone
don't you know that i'm missing you so much?
I wish to see you once more
kiss and hug you once more
I know that you're always there beside us
always looking after us
I'm lucky that i'm your DAUGHTER
and I am proud that you're my FATHER
-PAOLA JANE S.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
SERIOUSLY SPEAKING II
Who’s Geoff?
1. Music
•Loves listening to rock music but does like some RnB and Rap music too.
2. Band
•My favorite local band is Eraserheads but unfortunately they were disbanded a decade ago. I guess after they have finished their contract with BMG. I have completed their 10 albums and also the solo album of Ely Buendia. I love all of their songs and that made me one of their avid fans. I always wanted to see their concerts and fed myself with lots of infos about their whereabouts and also about their lives. Ang Huling El Bimbo stayed on top of the charts for so many months! They have captured the hearts of millions of Filipino people. I always love listening to their song “Minsan.” The song is about remembering the friendship, the start and the end, and that whatever happens one day they’d be there when someone’s in need. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Yeah, a friend would never run to you if he doesn’t know you are his friend. Damn! I missed some of them. The few real friends I have. Life’s changing and life’s a constant change. Just go with the flow.
•My favorite foreign band is Ash and I was and still in love the song “Lost in You.” My favorite song on top of the others. I remember my best friend Zion called it the “you are always on my mind song.” Yeah, I have the record but the cassette tape I had was lost. I guess someone has borrowed it but he didn’t show up after that. So I was left pathetic! Whenever I had the time I always request for it on FM Radios especially when I was in Metro Manila. Yeah! Damn missed NU107 too and of course my beloved 1047ONFM. Oh! I remember Campus Radio! I loved the station too. They played pure rock and alternatives! Let’s get back to Ash! I also was in loved with “A life Less Ordinary.”
•I also love the songs of Juan Dela Cruz Band, Wolf Gang, Rivermaya, Razorback, Afterimage, Francis M., and all the other Pinoy Rock Bands including the mainstreams! The OPM music is really improving!
•Also, I love the music of Nirvana, Metallica, Everclear, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Serosmith, Offspring, Green Day, Dream Theatre, Smashing Pumpkins, Smash Mouth, Rage Against the Machine and all the others. They are to numerous to mention!
3. Food
•Pinakbet. This is an Ilocos Dish. I have always loved this vegetarian dish. Main ingredients include eggplant, sweet potato, okra, ampalaya, tomato, onions and garlic, and bagoong, the famous fish sauce of Pangasinan! I never stopped loving the food especially when my dad or lola cooked it. Toothsome! I also can cook it! I’m actually craving for it right now!
•Beef Steak! I don’t know how my dad cooked it! Savory! I always tried to prepare it as delicious as he did but to no avail! But anyway I still can cook it and it satisfies my taste buds and the people I have.
•Supreme Pistachio and Strawberry Ice Creams! Ooooh. I wish I have large cups of them right now. There were nights of craving that I wasn’t able to stop myself. Even at late hours I went to convenience stores just to have one! I hope someone could treat me a Hageen Daz ice cream and I’d be sane!
•Nachos and Taccos and Pizzas and French Fries and Garlic Bread and Fried Chicken and Bacon and Cheese and Carrots! I am hunger!Haha.
4. Vices
•I drink Coke and Red Horse and I will always be in loved with Jack Daniels! I was always at bars and clubs or if not I party with some friends at home!
•I smoke Marlboro red or gold or blue. I don’t smoke menthol cigarettes. I use filters all the time. They reduce toxins! LOL
•Am I a drug user? What ya think?
5. Clothing
•I always wear black because I think it is and many would approve black clothes are decent. I look good when I wear black! Even underwears! Freak!
•I always wear my wristwatch. I always check time. Mine is precious!
•Always in black shoes.
6. Hobbies
•Bar hopping. A very costly hobby.
•Listening to my music
•Reading books and novels
•Not that into television and movies but you can see me in a movie house if the film catches my attention. The story or the characters or the actors or actresses. Some are really inspiring and thrilling and exciting!
•Videoke
•Walking down the beach
•Information Super highway Trip!
That’s it for now! Thanks.
1. Music
•Loves listening to rock music but does like some RnB and Rap music too.
2. Band
•My favorite local band is Eraserheads but unfortunately they were disbanded a decade ago. I guess after they have finished their contract with BMG. I have completed their 10 albums and also the solo album of Ely Buendia. I love all of their songs and that made me one of their avid fans. I always wanted to see their concerts and fed myself with lots of infos about their whereabouts and also about their lives. Ang Huling El Bimbo stayed on top of the charts for so many months! They have captured the hearts of millions of Filipino people. I always love listening to their song “Minsan.” The song is about remembering the friendship, the start and the end, and that whatever happens one day they’d be there when someone’s in need. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Yeah, a friend would never run to you if he doesn’t know you are his friend. Damn! I missed some of them. The few real friends I have. Life’s changing and life’s a constant change. Just go with the flow.
•My favorite foreign band is Ash and I was and still in love the song “Lost in You.” My favorite song on top of the others. I remember my best friend Zion called it the “you are always on my mind song.” Yeah, I have the record but the cassette tape I had was lost. I guess someone has borrowed it but he didn’t show up after that. So I was left pathetic! Whenever I had the time I always request for it on FM Radios especially when I was in Metro Manila. Yeah! Damn missed NU107 too and of course my beloved 1047ONFM. Oh! I remember Campus Radio! I loved the station too. They played pure rock and alternatives! Let’s get back to Ash! I also was in loved with “A life Less Ordinary.”
•I also love the songs of Juan Dela Cruz Band, Wolf Gang, Rivermaya, Razorback, Afterimage, Francis M., and all the other Pinoy Rock Bands including the mainstreams! The OPM music is really improving!
•Also, I love the music of Nirvana, Metallica, Everclear, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Serosmith, Offspring, Green Day, Dream Theatre, Smashing Pumpkins, Smash Mouth, Rage Against the Machine and all the others. They are to numerous to mention!
3. Food
•Pinakbet. This is an Ilocos Dish. I have always loved this vegetarian dish. Main ingredients include eggplant, sweet potato, okra, ampalaya, tomato, onions and garlic, and bagoong, the famous fish sauce of Pangasinan! I never stopped loving the food especially when my dad or lola cooked it. Toothsome! I also can cook it! I’m actually craving for it right now!
•Beef Steak! I don’t know how my dad cooked it! Savory! I always tried to prepare it as delicious as he did but to no avail! But anyway I still can cook it and it satisfies my taste buds and the people I have.
•Supreme Pistachio and Strawberry Ice Creams! Ooooh. I wish I have large cups of them right now. There were nights of craving that I wasn’t able to stop myself. Even at late hours I went to convenience stores just to have one! I hope someone could treat me a Hageen Daz ice cream and I’d be sane!
•Nachos and Taccos and Pizzas and French Fries and Garlic Bread and Fried Chicken and Bacon and Cheese and Carrots! I am hunger!Haha.
4. Vices
•I drink Coke and Red Horse and I will always be in loved with Jack Daniels! I was always at bars and clubs or if not I party with some friends at home!
•I smoke Marlboro red or gold or blue. I don’t smoke menthol cigarettes. I use filters all the time. They reduce toxins! LOL
•Am I a drug user? What ya think?
5. Clothing
•I always wear black because I think it is and many would approve black clothes are decent. I look good when I wear black! Even underwears! Freak!
•I always wear my wristwatch. I always check time. Mine is precious!
•Always in black shoes.
6. Hobbies
•Bar hopping. A very costly hobby.
•Listening to my music
•Reading books and novels
•Not that into television and movies but you can see me in a movie house if the film catches my attention. The story or the characters or the actors or actresses. Some are really inspiring and thrilling and exciting!
•Videoke
•Walking down the beach
•Information Super highway Trip!
That’s it for now! Thanks.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
SERIOUSLY SPEAKING I
It's been a long time! And I'm doing it again!
My room was messy and I haven't got much time of cleaning my room. My pants hanging on one side, my components and computers are dusty, my ashtray was so full of Marlboro butts, my bed disarranged and I even got long nails. Really had no time for everything. I thought I was lost.
I put my clothes and jacket on and went out of my room. Got really prepared to go to Padis Point Dagupan. Yeah, it's where I always stay. Maybe it has become one of my comfort zone. I even sang a lot of times there. I only sang "The Past" or "Stitches and Burns" and I felt like so pathetic that it seemed like they were the only songs i can sing! Anyway, the crowd always enjoyed the music and they even sang with me most of the time. Yeah, they enjoyed the music but not quite sure they've enjoyed my renditions. Haha. I knew the staffs and crews and bands and i met a lot of people. Some really wanted to dance with me so they dragged me in front or if not i danced with them while seated! Haha. Some exchanged their number but most of them never texted. Oh damn! I forgot my perfume. Bought that Bvlgari or Bulgari (which one is right?) from a friend. Silly thing was we made the transaction at the bar!
So, there I was! On my way to Padis. The tricycle drivers needed not ask where I was heading. They knew where to drop me! I was just expecting two friends that night but after few minutes my table was overcrowded. They have those powerful noses! My two bottles became 5 buckets of 6! I almost wished I have gone to Quattro Grill or Asiana instead. But anyway, i really was enjoying. And the bill came! That was almost P 2,000.00 and the excruciatingly funny thing was I were the only one that paid the bill! I didn't have enough cash so i was quite lucky to have brought my credit card. But it was purely a pain in the ass! I almost choked. Best lesson? Don't bring extra cash or your cards! I did nothing but to turn the bottle of Red Horse Beer and drank it bottoms up! Amazing! Too much spending! After that, I decided to go to the famous "Kaleskesan" of Dagupan City to sober myself. Yeah, sumptuous!
What I am thinking right now are the sermons I have heard from some few concerned friends! Some asked "would they accompany you without those bottles?" "are they going to help you if you'd need them?" So it made me realize a lot of things. They were all true. I think some really were nice to me because they needed the booze. Yeah right... "mas masarap ang libre". I do understand sometimes but to think? They should consider that too much is abusive. I ain't mad. But sometimes they should understand that not every time i would understand them... Peace tayo! Batu Bato sa langit! Ang tamaan Pangit!
Let us be responsible enough!
Friday, April 22, 2011
GOOD FRIDAY
Tonight I am spending my time with my siblings. I love them so much that I could never give up. They are my inspiration, my love and obligation.
For years I have have been spending so many nights alone down the boulevard, at the beaches and even in my room. Alone.
Tears drifted all night long. I'm not worried how would they become but worried how would they treat me if I have done even a single mistake or worse? If i failed. Not by loving them. But failed on my own. I know I have failed much in the past. And I am always grateful because I have learned. I have so many fears. Most of all, fear of losing them. My two precious siblings. It's like they are all that i got!
I love myself. And I love God more than anything or anyone on earth.I have become a drunkard. I knew it wasnt really the solution to ease myself out from being alone. I have spent too much of my time and finances going out of home. I really didn't consider any house a home. I odn't even know what it's like to be home. And it's too painful. I have never been home. I hope I have been raised a good man. And what's really hurtful? It's that I have never been really raised physically and emotionally. Sometimes I locked myself in my room. cried at the back of my door. Sobbed. Shouted in my head why i have been led a life like this. It seemed unfair. Since I was innocent... since i have asked questions... since I have learned.. since I have grown... Since I have craved for love... there I was.... crying on my own... I'm sorry... I love you God...
For years I have have been spending so many nights alone down the boulevard, at the beaches and even in my room. Alone.
Tears drifted all night long. I'm not worried how would they become but worried how would they treat me if I have done even a single mistake or worse? If i failed. Not by loving them. But failed on my own. I know I have failed much in the past. And I am always grateful because I have learned. I have so many fears. Most of all, fear of losing them. My two precious siblings. It's like they are all that i got!
I love myself. And I love God more than anything or anyone on earth.I have become a drunkard. I knew it wasnt really the solution to ease myself out from being alone. I have spent too much of my time and finances going out of home. I really didn't consider any house a home. I odn't even know what it's like to be home. And it's too painful. I have never been home. I hope I have been raised a good man. And what's really hurtful? It's that I have never been really raised physically and emotionally. Sometimes I locked myself in my room. cried at the back of my door. Sobbed. Shouted in my head why i have been led a life like this. It seemed unfair. Since I was innocent... since i have asked questions... since I have learned.. since I have grown... Since I have craved for love... there I was.... crying on my own... I'm sorry... I love you God...
Friday, January 21, 2011
Later
By: Fra Lippo Lippi
How could you come with me
when you knew all along that you had to go
How could you watch me sleep so close to you
pretending not to know
How could you memorize my name
and forget who i am
How could you think you're still the same
believing i can
It's too late to start pretending
It's too late for a new beginning
Later than the sunset, later than the rain
Later than I never to love you again
How could you ask for more with an innocent smile
trusting me to stay
How could you close the door and leave me here
supposing i'm ok
How could you breakdown my disguise
and uncover my fears
How could you look into my eyes
ignoring my tears
It's too late to start pretending
It's too late for a new beginning
Later than the sunset, later than the rain
Later than I never to love you again
How could you come with me
when you knew all along that you had to go
How could you watch me sleep so close to you
pretending not to know
How could you memorize my name
and forget who i am
How could you think you're still the same
believing i can
It's too late to start pretending
It's too late for a new beginning
Later than the sunset, later than the rain
Later than I never to love you again
How could you ask for more with an innocent smile
trusting me to stay
How could you close the door and leave me here
supposing i'm ok
How could you breakdown my disguise
and uncover my fears
How could you look into my eyes
ignoring my tears
It's too late to start pretending
It's too late for a new beginning
Later than the sunset, later than the rain
Later than I never to love you again
I Will Buy You a New Life
By: Everclear
Here is the money that I owe you
Yeah so you can pay the bills
I will give you more
When I get paid again
I hate those people who love to tell you
Money is the root of all that kills
They have never been poor
They have never had the joy of
a welfare Christmas
I know we will never look back
You say you wake up crying
Yes and you don't know why
You get up and you go lay down inside
My baby's room
Yeah I guess I'm doing okay
I moved in with the strangest guy
Can you believe he actually
Thinks that I am really alive?
I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
(Yes I will)
Yes, I know all about that other guy
The handsome man with athletic thighs
I know about all the times before
with that obsessive little rich boy
They might make you think you're happy
Yeah maybe for a minute or two
They can't make you laugh
No they can't make you feel
The way that I do
I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
Yeah I will buy you a new life
I know we can never look back
Will you please let me stay the night
Will you please let me stay the night
No one will ever know
I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
I will buy you a new life
Here is the money that I owe you
Yeah so you can pay the bills
I will give you more
When I get paid again
I hate those people who love to tell you
Money is the root of all that kills
They have never been poor
They have never had the joy of
a welfare Christmas
I know we will never look back
You say you wake up crying
Yes and you don't know why
You get up and you go lay down inside
My baby's room
Yeah I guess I'm doing okay
I moved in with the strangest guy
Can you believe he actually
Thinks that I am really alive?
I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
(Yes I will)
Yes, I know all about that other guy
The handsome man with athletic thighs
I know about all the times before
with that obsessive little rich boy
They might make you think you're happy
Yeah maybe for a minute or two
They can't make you laugh
No they can't make you feel
The way that I do
I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
Yeah I will buy you a new life
I know we can never look back
Will you please let me stay the night
Will you please let me stay the night
No one will ever know
I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
I will buy you a new life
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